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So true!
Right now,i am tore by numbers of thoughts related to love.
I have everything except relationship love.
House under my name,large sum of money set aside for my family for future use and emergency,unqiue facial looks and etc.
I am very thankful to have unusual facial looks.I don't know much about my father side.With my father and mother genes,i look eurasian.
When i was 14 years old,i dyed my hair fringe gold.My friends commented that i look like european(initially,i am not expecting of it)
I have wits and brains with the ability to create beautiful stunts(entertainment in many different ways).
For once more,i am very thankful for what i have now.
I thank some of my lady friends in my primary and secondary school for declaring that they like me.Again,i am very sorry that i never agreed to be your boyfriend.
I don't want to cheat myself to have false and hollow love if i do this.
Although i have parental and friendship love but i do not have relationship love.
I don't want to buy love with money/pity or obtain hollow love or do dirty way to obtain love by blood/stabbing.All i want to do is to get true love in the hard way.
What am i thinking myself now?I feel like to drown myself in the vast of the sea like Red Sea into death.Why?I want to wash away all the things i have and the things i badly want out of my mind.
Miserably,i can't switch off my own instinct that is stopping me from killing.
I always cry when relationship love doesn't exist in my heart.
I am totally void from relationship love!
Eugene's point of view(my current classmate) and my friends' experiences do haunt me.
Girlfriends drain boyfriends' wallet to spend(some)?
Getting into relationship for them to get the fun(eventually break up)?
They really freak me.
That is why i hesitate.I always think carefully.Not once but many times.
But then,it is fucking convenient to have lame/gutless reasons.
Grr,so true!
Few situtations like
1)no money to feed own family?time to abort pregnancy?
2)do simple things through evil means and reap the rewards?want to enjoy the life,not to suffer?
3)abuse own authority?protect your own interest(can be somebody's)?
How cool is that?Fuck those reasons.If i were to decide all these situtation,i make sure that i will support family mentality and financially for the first situtation.
But then i am helpless and gutless when come to relationship love decisions.
Grrr,i can give tons of stupid and gutless excuses.When will i marry?
Woman!The one who will save me!
Please come forward and save me!
Get me out of the horrible tunnel that deprive me from relationship love.
Tony Del Piero wrote and posted at at 4:04 pm
