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I could only see Karen so little.Not enough to make my bad mood disapear.
I was upset with my mom.
My heart hurt a lot when i do good things/be a good boy.
With this kind of mood,i really want to scold everybody at my glance.
That is why i feel like talking with Karen when i saw her outside the canteen as i was attending for the third period of Accounting lesson in B1-07.
I am upset that i have bad mood today and i can't even talk to Karen as i please for.
I do not want to explode my infamous temper in front of her.
I am going to be 22 years old.
I must learn how to tolerate myself.
I want to treat Karen nicely as a friend and not to show my infamous bad sides.
I couldn't concentrate doing Depreication question as per normal because of fucking bad mood.
I went home early today after the IT lesson end at 1.15pm.
In MRT train,i saw a pregnant young lady.
Her husband was looking after her anxiously.
I envy them.
I don't think much about myself and my own studies.
All i want is to rest and look at the sky with my future wife.
I hate to do such things to earn the money like people who work every day.
Enough of this.
At home,i screamed hard during the hot bath.
And then i cried.
I had a short sleep that i want to forget.
I don't want to be good boy in pretence.
I want to be bad rebel!
I remembered i whacked the fatuous teacher in my secondary school days.
My anger trigger me off into this.
In turn,i was shocked to hear that my second love who i never wooed left school because of his fucking antics.
Geez,was that deserved one?
You see all feelings i felt.That is why i listen nicholas tse's song because he and i almost share the same feelings and opinions.
He wrote:
"Sometime say I have this with whom and I have a crush on whom. Forget! Love is really hurst for me beacause it made me feel I have no freedon. When a person in the industry goes out, they will be follow. Even if we don't mind, the reporters will quesitons our family. Dating will have no meaning. In this way, even if I like someone, I wouldn't dare to ask them out. Even if she were outside the industry, I wouldn't dare to confess. Loving someone mean to take care of each other. Sometime I feel I can't even take care of myself, so I have no right to love anyone."
In the same way,if i am very very good boy,they will even give a hoot at me and what i do.That is why i never dare to ask them out.It is really painful for me when i can't even slience this silly thing down.
I cried when i read whole nicholas tse Autobiography because i never knew that he went down to very difficult path.
Same as myself,i went down to to very diffcult path learning a lot of interesting things.
Right now,i did make an attempt to get know Karen yesterday.I hope i can continue doing that with her with the warmest friendship.It is matter of getting rid of this stupid thing and famed good boy attitude.
Anguish come in and out
Killing my mind
Setting aflame and my eyes contain fire
In hot summmer,i scream till i lose my own voice
In the drenching rain,i wish for the clock to stop ticking
Start to sweep myself to reverse the things
In endless time,i want to heal the sufferings
Wash away the shame
Lord,i fear the feelings that really hurt me
I am doing all i can to be happy man
Wanting to be mindless soul forever
Lord!Heal me from suffering
And make me forgetten man
Tony Del Piero wrote and posted at at 2:59 pm
